ZOMGWTFBBQ!!! ERIC RIPERT IN THE CITY!!!

If there's one person that could actually make me go to NYC /shudder, it's Eric Ripert. Most chefs who's cuisine I really want to try are either local (Keller, Mina, Ogden) or have branches in Vegas or the Left Coast (Andres, Robuchon, Boulud, Savoy) so I've had no real reason to leave my comfy time zone. Still, there are two White Whales that elude me: Grant Achatz and Eric Ripert. Apparently they don't NEED to prove themselves out here >_< A pox on them both!

Well, Ripert is coming to my neck of the woods for a one-time-only, first-ever-in-SF rock star type event at Aqua. MON April 20th, $130. Had I learned about it before today I'd already have reservations but, sadly, I am currently wait-listed. /cry

Is he cooking his dishes? IDK. Is he taking Aqua's menu and doing his spin on them? I don't care. All I know it's it's Ripert @ Aqua on the 20th and the website had no 411 so I called about 3.8 seconds after the letters formed on my screen. Honestly, he could toss a grain of Fleur de Sel on each dish as it goes out for service (while grinning that patented Eric Ripert grin) and I'd be happy. I'm a total food geek...sue me.

I shall keep you posted...

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WTB [Shamrock Shake] - PST

(We interrupt The 2008 Foodie Awards for this special St. Patrick's Day Rant. The Foodie Awards can be seen, in it's entirety, next week at it's regular time)

Where the frakk are my Shamrock Shakes? Seriously, McDonald's. It's bad enough you amputated two of Grimace's arms and then deported Uncle O'Grimacey back to Ireland BUT do you have to completely attempt to retcon my childhood by removing all evidence that The Shamrock Shake ever existed?

Now, I know a lot of you will fall into two camps. Camp A lives outside The Left Coast where they have unlimited access to The Shamrock Shake and have no idea what I'm b|tching about. Camp B is the food snob crowd that thinks “McDonald's. Ewwwwww!!!! And you call yourself a Foodie. A pox on you, heathen impostor!”.

I'll address Camp B first:

If you think you're a Foodie and summarily dismiss food because it comes from a fast food joint, is made to appeal to children, is located in a seedy area or is served from a cart or the back or a truck, you aren't a Foodie...you're just a pretentious snob. David Chang admitted he loves Chicken McNuggets with Sweet and Sour Sauce. Anthony Bourdain goes crazy over street food, including such high-end items as Deep-Fried Twinkies. Micheal Mina wouldn't have a trio of deserts based on breakfast cereals if he didn't like them, nor would Thomas Keller feature his version of an Oreo (The TKO) if he didn't have a fondness for the o/g mass-produced cookie. So you just zip it. Or go away. I'm sure there are STILL plenty of seats on Opentable for The Mesa Grill.

Camp A:

I envy you. It's St. Patrick's Day and YOU have full access to The Shamrock Shake and you don't even know how lucky you are. He||, you prolly haven't even though about that neon green concoction in years. But, for me, it blows. We're not like you out here. At best, St. Patrick's Day is met with indifference if not outright contempt. No parades. No green bodies of water. Hardly anybody is sporting green and if you actually want corned beef or green beer you have to go out of your way to find it. Now, I'm under no delusions that The Shamrock Shake is the pinnacle of culinary enlightenment. I'm not entirely sure WHAT flavor “Shamrock” is supposed to be (mint, I assume, but it's not terribly minty) and I realize that green hue is more artificial than Pamela Anderson's rack. Regardless, I still like it and I still miss it /cry. It's a guilty pleasure. /sigh.

You see, sometime in the last decade or two, old-school things like Drive-Ins, The Shamrock Shake and Two-Parent Families became passe' on The Left Coast. Apparently, it was decided that they couldn't co-exist with hybrid cars, 8-years olds with Blackberry's and Wheat Grass Juice. I wish I was joking...but I'm not. There are at least 2-3 places I could drive to within 5 minutes of my house that serve wheat grass juice. AND if I sat outside in our persistent Cloud of Smug (South Park reference...look it up) while drinking my vile green “juice” for longer than 10 min, I guarn-damn-tee you I'd see a kid under 10 texting somebody with their cell. But, I could drive an hour in ANY direction to any of the zillions of McD's in the Greater Bay Area and if I ordered a Shamrock Shake, all I'd get is a blank stare.

That being said, don't cry into your green beer TOO much for me. I've still had a corned beef stewing in a Crock Pot of Guinness since 7AM, ate a Shamrock Shaped Krispy Cream Donut (complete with white a green sprinkles) with my Irish Breakfast tea and picked up a 6-pack of Harp in Limited Edition green packaging while sporting one of my many A's t-shirts. So I'm still having a Green day! Heck, while I was picking up a green Loofah Dog (yes, the same one from the old PetCo commercials) for The Puppy and getting some gifts for The Hottie (yes, I bought her St. Paddy Day gifts...sue me) there was an elderly Asian woman looking feverishly among the Hallmark St. Patrick's Day display for some green beads. “To keep from being pinched”, she explained. So maybe there is hope after all, inside our Cloud of Smug...



EDIT: Shortly after I posted this blog, www.shamrockshake.com was brought to my attention (which is pretty amazing for a blog with zero comments). Lo and Behold I WAS able to find a place within driving distance that had the "Triple-Thick" Shamrock Shakes. I have no idea what's "Triple-Thick" is besides a lame marketing term, but it was still tasty and hit the spot. It made me so happy, in fact, that I resisted the temptation to run over toddlers yapping on their cell phones :D

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The Foodie Awards: 2009 PART II

Obviously, if you missed PART I of the Awards, go read it first. If not, carry on!

INCREDIBLE, EDIBLE EGG AWARD.

WINNER: BOUCHON AT THE VENETIAN

“Foodie”, you say,”Incredible, Edible, Egg? Seriously, WTF! An egg 'Award'”. Yes. An egg 'Award'. Sometimes the simplest ingredients take the most skill to do correctly. There's less margin for error and, seriously, how bad a chef do you have to be to eff up a well-marbled piece of Kobe tenderloin or lobster fresh from a tank? Even Wylie Dufresne has a professed love for eggs and wanted it for his proverbial last meal. So there :p And, if you don't like it, go away. I'm sure there are plenty of seats on Opentable for The Mesa Grill. Enjoy.

That being said, the Oeuf Au Gratin at Bouchon in Vegas was beyond awesome. I know I said this about the chicken at Bouchon already, but it applies to the eggs as well: it was not simply the best egg dish I had in 2008...THEY WERE THE BEST EGGS I'VE HAD...EVAH!!! In fact, breakfast at Bouchon is so amazing in general that:

A)We called it a night early the previous day just to make sure we'd be able to get up in time to make it to the Venetian for b-fast. (Yes, you read that correctly. We're on a Vegas vacay and going to bed EARLY just to make sure we can get up for breakfast. Hey! Sometimes it's not easy being a foodie.)

And

B) As we were eating our way through the menu and realized that there were still lots of items/specials we desperately wanted to try that we decided to come back the next day. So, yes, another early nite :p

The odd thing is, I live in the Bay Area. Less than an hour away from the o/g Bouchon in Yountville so why would I cut Vegas nightlife short for eggs, sourdough waffles and fresh baked dough nuts?
Because, for some reason known only to Thomas Keller (and possibly his accountant) himself, Bouchon doesn't serve b-fast. >_< Even on weekends. I have no words. So, whenever I'm in Vegas, I try to make room in my itinerary for breakfast at Bouchon. Do yourself a favor and do the same. You won't be disappointed.

Note: Bouchon at The Venetian does NOT take reservations for breakfast or brunch, so first come, first served. Now this wasn't a problem in '08 with a recession and Vegas hurting for biz but, in the future, who knows.

FIRST RUNNER-UP: ORSON

Like the previously mentioned Dominique Cren, Elizabeth Falkner is a innovator that thinks outside the box. But no matter HOW far outside the box she goes there's no way in he|| the Orson's food deserves the pathetic 16 that ZAGAT gave her. Granted, it's new and they did have that funky little triangle icon to denote a low response but, still, c'mon ZAGAT! Sack up and give the little marketing schpeil you gave to Luce, Candybar and 25 Brix with no ratings attached. They ALL opened the same time and you KNEW you didn't have enough reliable votes on Orson, ESPECIALLY when it was THAT low. You're lucky Falkner didn't show up with a rocket launcher full of extra dense, fudgy cookies and pelt you to death for that injustice. Scrubs. Michelin > ZAGAT

Yeah...so...where was I? Oh yeah!!! That un-effing-believable Tempura Egg at Orson. Again, it's one of those things you eat and then wonder “How the hell does somebody think of that in the first place...and then actually pull it off?” The egg, sitting in a small pool of miso broth and sprinkled with nori chibbles was not only visually impressive, but when bitten into, revealed a perfectly cooked soft boiled egg. Seriously, how the eff do you batter dip a shelled egg in a manner than, once the outside is browned and crispy that the egg isn't hard cooked? We spent the better part of that course trying to reason it out (and I'm sure some molecular gastronomy geek that doesn't like being called a molecular gastronomer could tell me) but then we were distracted by the arrival of charcuterie. Oh! Shiny!

Oh yeah! The area is kinda skivvy, but the decor is just plain kewl and the duck fat french fries are to die for.


RESTAURANT THAT MOST DESERVES A MICHELIN STAR (BUT DOESN'T HAVE ONE)

WINNER (TIE): BOUCHON AT THE VENETIAN, B&B RISTORANTE.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Couldn't see this one coming, right? Winning all my other lame awards, so why not this one too? I can honestly say I have NO idea why Bouchon in Yountville has a star when it's younger sibling in Vegas merely gets a mention. It's certainly not the French Bias at work since it's virtually the same restaurant (on steroids – the Y-Ville version is tiny...even AFTER a re-model), with the same style and the same people at the helm. And Michelin certainly has nothing against Keller: There are only six, three-star Michelin restaurants in the entire U.S. And Keller has two of them. I honestly don't get it. If anything, I think the service is better at the Vegas version and, as previously mentioned, they have a broader menu. This one stumps The Foodie.

Equally egregious is the lack of a star for Mario Batali's Vegas entry. Honestly, after eating there, if Michelin gave them TWO star's I wouldn't have deemed it unworthy, so the lack of a star entirely is baffling. We had the tasting menu there and it was spot on. The dishes were clean, distinct and very well presented by our server who was almost TOO knowledgeable about the varieties of pasta and ingredients used. He was clearly a foodie who enjoyed his job and one of the best servers we've encountered in a city where customer service is second to none. The tables were perhaps a little packed together (but no more so than other starred restaurants like the o/g Bouchon) or maybe the French Bias reared it's ugly blue, white and red head. Regardless, the food was at least as good as other one-starred restaurants (if not superior) and the staff, from the hostess to the sommelier, was equally skilled. Michelin missed the mark on this one.

FIRST RUNNER-UP: LUCE

Sadly, I think Luce is off to a shaky start, but not because of the food. The service is iffy which, of course, can really impact the entire dining experience. This might be a function of being a “hotel” restaurant or simply being new but, either way, it needs to be ironed out. And opening a high-end restaurant at the beginning of a recession is just plain, bad timing. Even in the best of times, the restaurant biz can be dicey. I just hope Luce can hang on and weather the storm.

But enough doom and gloom. Luce has had plenty of accolades (Esquire Chef of the Year among them) and the kitchen consistently puts out some of the more creative dishes in The City. And, when you take price into the equation, it's a steal. Besides the aforementioned $45/four-course Supper on SUN, the regular tasting menu is $85 for so many courses I lost count. No, seriously. I did. Three courses at Mina's place is well over $100 and many of the dishes at Luce were at least the equal in terms of creativity and flavors (if not superior).

Unlike the restaurants above, however, I can see how Michelin left Luce with merely a mention. It's barely gotten it's feet wet and some of the dishes look a bit...dated presentation-wise. You know, long horizontal plates with three or four components running from left to right. Like when deconstructed food was all the rage. Not necessarily bad, but in the age of gee-whiz molecular gastronomy and green/sustainable cuisine, its looks like been there-done that. That and the hit-or-miss service. Okay, so I realize I'm making a really bad argument for Luce here but, trust me, it'll get more love later on :p

BEST THING TO HAPPEN AT A RESTAURANT THAT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH FOOD:

WINNER: THE FRENCH LAUNDRY.

(Yes, I'm breaking my own rule here BUT since it had zero to do with the food, service or scene, I'm giving TFL a break.)

So, I need to take a break from the Tour de Force that is the TFL tasting menu and decide to use the Little Gentleman's Room outside. And, as I pass though the lobby I see two trendy Euro looking dudes staring blankly at each other. They're dressed very nicely for South Beach or perhaps to host American Idol but, for TFL, notsomuch. No, not only did the douchebags not bring a jacket (which could probably be rectified) BUT they were both wearing...JEANS!!!! Granted a pair of their high end designer jeans most certainly cost more than my entire Burlington Coat Factory suit ensemble, but going to TFL in jeans is Made of Fail.

Now, first off, you shouldn't be going to ANY place the caliber of The French Laundry wearing jeans - That's just common sense. But, realizing that the dress code of America is going the way of leaded gasoline, TFL lets you know that jackets are required AND jeans are not permitted when you make your reservations many moons in advance. And, just in case you lack common sense AND have no long term memory, they remind you once again when they call to confirm your reservations just a few days before. So, in essence, these frosted hair d-bags were told not once, but twice not to wear jeans and thought to themselves “Pfft! These jeans are so cool and I look so hot. What are they going to do? Not seat me?”

Yes. Actually, that's exactly what they will do. And /cheer to them for doing it.

FIRST RUNNER-UP:
miX

Take your pick: The rail thin California Brunette wearing the chain mail dress that barely covered her @$$ (Real chain mail too. Made an odd clanging/chinging noise as she swished on by) or the old guy with the Muppet face who's eyebrows were so unbelievably bushy they made Martin Scorsese look like he's a manscaping metrosexual. Seriously. They were the Triple-D's of the eyebrow world. If they were breasts, they'd be soooooo obviously fake that NOBODY would think they were real. Either way, those two provided conversation for at least half the dinner. Plus the always fun “He's just behind you to your left. No wait! My left. Sorry.” as you try and have your dining companion check out the “scenery” without being TOO obvious. Ah memories...

The Hottie wanted to make sure that everybody knew that my wardrobe has been upgraded since then. The jacket is Armani, the shirt Ben Sherman, the shoes Hugo Boss and the accessories (watch, billfold, shades, cufflinks, etc.) are Dolce and A/X. Seriously, she read the post and immediately complained, "Your outfit isn't from Burlington Coat Factory! It's Armani!!! The Meat Guy's is from there."

Actually, The Meat Guy's is from Men's Wearhouse /shrug.

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