WTB [Shamrock Shake] - PST

(We interrupt The 2008 Foodie Awards for this special St. Patrick's Day Rant. The Foodie Awards can be seen, in it's entirety, next week at it's regular time)

Where the frakk are my Shamrock Shakes? Seriously, McDonald's. It's bad enough you amputated two of Grimace's arms and then deported Uncle O'Grimacey back to Ireland BUT do you have to completely attempt to retcon my childhood by removing all evidence that The Shamrock Shake ever existed?

Now, I know a lot of you will fall into two camps. Camp A lives outside The Left Coast where they have unlimited access to The Shamrock Shake and have no idea what I'm b|tching about. Camp B is the food snob crowd that thinks “McDonald's. Ewwwwww!!!! And you call yourself a Foodie. A pox on you, heathen impostor!”.

I'll address Camp B first:

If you think you're a Foodie and summarily dismiss food because it comes from a fast food joint, is made to appeal to children, is located in a seedy area or is served from a cart or the back or a truck, you aren't a Foodie...you're just a pretentious snob. David Chang admitted he loves Chicken McNuggets with Sweet and Sour Sauce. Anthony Bourdain goes crazy over street food, including such high-end items as Deep-Fried Twinkies. Micheal Mina wouldn't have a trio of deserts based on breakfast cereals if he didn't like them, nor would Thomas Keller feature his version of an Oreo (The TKO) if he didn't have a fondness for the o/g mass-produced cookie. So you just zip it. Or go away. I'm sure there are STILL plenty of seats on Opentable for The Mesa Grill.

Camp A:

I envy you. It's St. Patrick's Day and YOU have full access to The Shamrock Shake and you don't even know how lucky you are. He||, you prolly haven't even though about that neon green concoction in years. But, for me, it blows. We're not like you out here. At best, St. Patrick's Day is met with indifference if not outright contempt. No parades. No green bodies of water. Hardly anybody is sporting green and if you actually want corned beef or green beer you have to go out of your way to find it. Now, I'm under no delusions that The Shamrock Shake is the pinnacle of culinary enlightenment. I'm not entirely sure WHAT flavor “Shamrock” is supposed to be (mint, I assume, but it's not terribly minty) and I realize that green hue is more artificial than Pamela Anderson's rack. Regardless, I still like it and I still miss it /cry. It's a guilty pleasure. /sigh.

You see, sometime in the last decade or two, old-school things like Drive-Ins, The Shamrock Shake and Two-Parent Families became passe' on The Left Coast. Apparently, it was decided that they couldn't co-exist with hybrid cars, 8-years olds with Blackberry's and Wheat Grass Juice. I wish I was joking...but I'm not. There are at least 2-3 places I could drive to within 5 minutes of my house that serve wheat grass juice. AND if I sat outside in our persistent Cloud of Smug (South Park reference...look it up) while drinking my vile green “juice” for longer than 10 min, I guarn-damn-tee you I'd see a kid under 10 texting somebody with their cell. But, I could drive an hour in ANY direction to any of the zillions of McD's in the Greater Bay Area and if I ordered a Shamrock Shake, all I'd get is a blank stare.

That being said, don't cry into your green beer TOO much for me. I've still had a corned beef stewing in a Crock Pot of Guinness since 7AM, ate a Shamrock Shaped Krispy Cream Donut (complete with white a green sprinkles) with my Irish Breakfast tea and picked up a 6-pack of Harp in Limited Edition green packaging while sporting one of my many A's t-shirts. So I'm still having a Green day! Heck, while I was picking up a green Loofah Dog (yes, the same one from the old PetCo commercials) for The Puppy and getting some gifts for The Hottie (yes, I bought her St. Paddy Day gifts...sue me) there was an elderly Asian woman looking feverishly among the Hallmark St. Patrick's Day display for some green beads. “To keep from being pinched”, she explained. So maybe there is hope after all, inside our Cloud of Smug...



EDIT: Shortly after I posted this blog, www.shamrockshake.com was brought to my attention (which is pretty amazing for a blog with zero comments). Lo and Behold I WAS able to find a place within driving distance that had the "Triple-Thick" Shamrock Shakes. I have no idea what's "Triple-Thick" is besides a lame marketing term, but it was still tasty and hit the spot. It made me so happy, in fact, that I resisted the temptation to run over toddlers yapping on their cell phones :D