TFL FTW!!!

Today is one of the happier days of my Food Year as I managed to snag reservations at THE best restaurant on the West Coast (if not the U.S.): The French Laundry. I've gone there a few times before and know what to expect (i.e. I've pretty much starved myself for two days) but that doesn't make it any less special ^_^

In a V-E-R-Y Un-TFL move they haven't posted their menu yet for dinner even @ 5:00 P.M. so you get to look at LAST nite's menu until I post the menu I'll actually be eating.



And, of course, I'll post the full OpenTable Review here later this month...

EDIT: J-U-S-T before we left for Kellerville, TFL posted their menu online :D If you want to take a more in depth look at what we gorged on, the menu above links to a PDF of their menu for 12.02.09.

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Black Friday: Lush/Enabler Style

So The Hottie, The Foodie and The Meat Guy are still in a food stupor from T-Day but in need of SOMETHING before hitting One Market for Round Two of The Weekly Beast (this time, Suckling Pig) later tonight. BevMo on-line says they have the new Kraken Rum in stock at the local branch, so I suggest going to Nation's for burgers and then swinging by the nearby BevMo to pick up the rum and maybe some Jubelale.

I might have mentioned this before, but it bears repeating: The Lush (a.k.a. The Hottie) and The Enabler (a.k.a. The Meat Guy) go through a RIDICULOUS amount of alcohol when they're together. Ungodly, Why-Aren't-You-Blind-By-Now Amounts. If you needed any proof, I submit Exhibit A, our trip to BevMo for a bottle of rum and a six-pack of specialty beer:



I have no words...

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Good News. Bad News.

Good News: I'm taking The Professional Liar to Ad Hoc today for his B-Day and the RNG menu looks r-e-a-l-l-y good tonight! Bonus: He's a member of Coppola's highest level Wine Club so we get in to Rubicon for free and get to sample his $$$ wines in a private parlor to keep the riff-raff away.



Bad News: His wife, The Much Better Half, is a pescetarian that doesn't eat shellfish and abhors bananas, so pretty much the only thing on the menu she'd eat is the cheese course -_-

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Tastes Like Halloween

I like Holidays waaaaaay more than I should. And not just the “big” holidays either (as you might have gathered from my Shamrock Shake post back in MAR). I blame The Social Parental Unit for this. You see, we had a HUGE picture window in the front of the house and EVERY holiday brought another display for the window. X-Mas, The Fourth, St. Paddy's, Easter, Valentine's Day, Memorial Day, even the beginning of baseball season brought new decorations for the house. So, yes, for the better part of the year the front of my house looked like the window display of a florist shop (minus the flowers) and, of course, I thought this was totally normal because, well, it's the only home I ever knew.

The first year I moved out I repeated the process. I happily bought my OWN decorations for the new apartment and plastered them all over the place for various holidays. However, I quickly figured something out: TAKING decorations down (and storing them) sucks ba||s >_< As such, my decorations are more scaled back these days (but still undoubtedly exceeding the “norm” for my demographic) however, when it comes to food, well, that's a different story. You don't have to put away and store food, now do you?!?!

Right off the bat, I'm not pretending that ANY of this stuff is particularly high-end or gourmet and fully admit that's high on the cheese factor. But that's OK. If you don't want to try a Jack In The Box Pumpkin Shake or Jones Candy Corn Soda, don't. But know that the stuff listed is pretty damn tasty if not kitschy.

I'm a sucker for pumpkin and, fortunately, our forefathers (or, at the very least, people that wrote the history of what our forefathers did) had the foresight to include pumpkins in Turkey Day, so the pumpkin flavor stretches well beyond OCT. So, if you buy a six-pack of pumpkin beer for Halloween and find it noxious, guess what? Bring a Holiday Five-Pack to a Halloween Party, a College Football Game or Thanksgiving and it's gone and you look like a thoughtful guest. The Hottie prefers a local Pumpkin Brew from Buffalo Bill's and it has pretty wide distribution on the Left Coast although she warms “it tastes VERY pumpkin-y” but, hey, if you're a purist, you probably aren't willing to give pumpkin beer a shot anyways :p Blue Moon and Sea Dog also make pumpkin beers with decent distribution as does Anheiser Busch under the Jack's Pumpkin label. I'm not going to bash Bud, per se, but just be warned that while it's meant to LOOK like a microbrew, it not...so don't spend microbrew $$$ on it.

If you're German (or simply abhor the idea of pumpkin beer) that's okay too. There are LOTS of true, non-seasonal microbrews that fit the Halloween theme: Arrogant Bastard, Dead Guy, Pete's Wicked, the Hobgoblin & Scarecrow brews from Wytchwood among others. In fact, most places that you'd buy hard-to-find liquor from (i.e. BevMo and Cost Plus in these parts) will have displays FEATURING beer with names or packaging that's lends itself to All Hollows Eve. Now, this option is going to cost you more $$$ since a lot of bottles retail for five bucks (or more) a pop but, in general, it's worth it AND a good excuse to try a couple beers you haven't had before.

Sadly, wine doesn't fare as well for Halloween. Thankfully there is no pumpkin wine (yet /shudder) but most spooky/halloween wines that we've tried aren't much better than Two-Buck Chuck at Trader Joe's. The bottles for Vampyre Merlot or the Evil Wines might look good, but that's about it. And, once you pour the wine out, it's just middle-of-the-road wine that you spent $$$ on. At least the pumpkin beer still TASTES halloweeny and the microbrew in the wicked bottle still tastes like a high end craftbrew after it's poured. Still, if you INSIST on getting a Halloweeny wine, go for the Black Cat Reisling from Germany. It's decent, not particularly expensive AND the black cat shaped bottle is seriously kewl and you'll prolly hang on to it for years to come.

On the non-alcoholic front, there are a surprising number of choices beyond kid friendly “punch” of dubious origin. Jones soda is always a solid choice and has wide distribution of it's Halloween sodas through Target. Four, eight-ounce cans in Halloween packaging will only put you back a buck fifty and come in favors like Candy Corn, Lemon Drop-Dead and Buried Pomegranate. And, like the pumkpin brews, if you try a can and don't like it, you've got spares to take to a party. Or, even better, they're good mixers for a drink! Just do what The Meat Guy (who found them too sweet) suggested and add coordinating vodka or schnapps and BAM instant mixed drink! In the half-sized cans they're ideal for this purpose. Beyond Jones, there are plenty of botiquey sodas that have offerings like Black Lemonade that you'll tend to find at high-end grocers.

On the hot beverage front, Spiced or Mulled Cider is a pretty common option. The pre-made Spiced Apple Cider at Trader Joe's is a fave of The Hottie's but, honestly, almost any cider warmed on the stove with the appropriate spices will do. Bonus, it makes the house smell r-e-a-l-l-y- good while it's simmering. If cider isn't your thing, Pumpkin Tea (Adagio & Lupica both have season varieties) and Pumpkin Coffee aren't that hard to find if you know where to look but my current favorite is Halloween Hot Cocoa. What makes it Halloween, you ask? Well, it's an odd white crystalline powder that turns bright orange when mixed with Hot H2O. Now, there is NO chocolate in this creation and it doesn't really taste like cocoa but, whatever is in it IS tasty and it's hard to beat a steaming cup of orange liquid with whipped cream on the Halloween-o-meter. Both Crate & Barrel and Sur La Table carry the seasonal beverage for as little as $1.25/pouch. Give it a shot and, if you don't like it, plop some pumpkin schnapps in it :D

EDIT: This year Papa Murphy's colored the pizza dough orange for their Pepperoni Jack O'Lantern Pizza (it's normally uncolored). At $7.99 it's always a crowd pleaser BUT make sure you phone in ahead - Halloween (along with the Super Bowl) is their busiest night of the year...

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Live Blog: Happy B-Day To Me!

When you go to Luce for no reason other than it's THU and Michael Mina so often the Maitre'd recognizes you, WHAT do you do for a special occasion meal? That's what I have to ask myself every B-Day. I can't really complain about last year, I went to Aqua for their Lunch Tasting Menu (back when they had and still served lunch) and a local place, Pappo, for dinner. You've never heard of Pappo, but it merits a ZAGAT 26 and is arguably the best food here on Silicon Island, but I digress...

This year the plan is to hit two of my perennial favorites. With The Grumpy Parental Unit involved I don't want to visit places TOO far out there (both in terms of cuisine and location) and my A to Z has ALREADY sent me to plenty of new places this year. So Bouchon for lunch and dinner at One Market for their tasting menu it is. It's a FRI, so The Hottie took the day off and I made the One Market reservations well in advance. Nomnomnom...

9:43 A.M. – Now normally, my B-Day B-Fast begins with something(s) The Hottie bought the day before in The City and then heats up along with some tea or hot cocoa. If it hadn't been firmly established before, The Hottie does NOT and canNOT cook. Period. Canned soup and microwave meals are pretty much her limit, but she can heat up chocolate croissants and bacon cheddar scones with the best of them!

This year, however, I knew what I was having in advance: Ham Biscuits. I've never had this staple of The South, but The Meat Guy (who's also never had them) sent me two dozen of them as my B-Day gift, so having them as B-Fast on my birthday was a no-brainer. They're from Callies of Charleston and, supposedly, are some of the best Ham Biscuits known to man. They're a bit smaller than I had imagined, really, REALLY savory and, surprisingly, not particularly hammy. The Hottie's addition to my breakfast is a Japanese “Pound Cake” in one of the kewlest boxes I've ever seen. Seriously, this box is a keeper. It was purchased from a Japanese candy shop in The City where EVERYTHING on the packaging is in Japanese. So, yeah, it's an authentic bean paste cake. Yum? Anyways, it's about what would expect from a Japanese “cake”: small, pretty, dry, crumbly and only the teeniest, tiniest bit of sweetness. My favorite? No, but some Pumpkin Spice tea pairs rather nicely with it and, honestly, the subtle flavors are a pretty solid yin to the incredibly flavorful yang of the ham biscuits.

10:04 A.M. - Not food related BUT we watched Modern Family on DVR while chowing down B-Fast. If you aren't watching this show already, you should. I LOL IRL and snort more during that half-hour than the rest of the week combined. Modern Family. ABC. WED. 9:00. Have I ever let you down before?

11:34 A.M. - Starting out a little later than I had planned, but the GPS (The best invention EVER) says we'll arrive @ Bouchon @ 12:32, so we're GTG. Itinerary includes Bouchon (and, of course, the Bakery), a couple of Gourmet-type stores (Napastyle, Sign of the Bear and the Sonoma Cheese Factory) and prolly a couple of wineries (Cline and Gloria Ferrer).

11:42 A.M. - The GPS lies. Traffic has ground to a halt for no apparent reason. Seriously, there shouldn't be any traffic on the road this time of day >_< In just eight minutes we've tacked five more minutes on the arrival time...

11:48 A.M. - Well there's the culprit - a carbeque. Looks like they're cleaning up after the burning car that was on the morning news. Lanes closed and people in orange vests spreading tons of that powder that sucks up liquids. The Hottie claims that the carbeque was on the Bay Bridge, not the approach to the Bay Bridge, so this is something else. I ignore her, because a carbeque makes a better story.

12:46 P.M. - We make it to an extremely packed Bouchon a good fifteen minutes after our reservations but since Bouchon is Bouchon our table is still waiting for us. I've gone through at least two-thirds of the Bouchon menu but my B-Day brings me two good specials on the old-school chalkboard: Salmon Tartare and Boudin Noir (a.k.a. Blood Sausage) - I'm a Happy Panda. The Hottie predictably goes for her go-to dish, the Croque Madame, but also gets a chalkboard special, Escagot.

12:50 P.M. - The Hottie informs me that Ashley is at one of the tables behind me. Since I don't KNOW any Ashleys, I'm a bit confused. Ashley Who? Ashley from Top Chef. I turn around and, sure enough, it IS the Top Chef contestant. Upon further review, she's dining with two other contestants Preeti and (just eliminated last night) Laurine. The "celeb" sighting isn't nearly as interesting to me as the fact that they are HERE and this season takes place in Las Vegas which tells me that the Finale -which is always in a different city- might well be in Yountville!!! Yes, they're eliminated, BUT Top Chef has a history of bringing back the eliminated contestants to help as Sous Chefs for the finale, so it makes sense. Granted, both Preeti and Laurine are "local", so they might be friends with Ashley who just came to visit, but I doubt it. Hopefully, I'll bump into Padma at Bouchon Bakery and then I'll KNOW I'm right :D

12:58 P.M. - The Hottie is SURE that Ashley keeps looking at her. Seemingly every time she looks at the Top Chef crew, Ashley is looking at her. Granted, their seats ARE facing each other but I remind The Hottie of two things: 1)She's a smoking-hot redhead and 2)Ashley likes girls. She's prolly just checking her out the same way guys tend to do. "Oh yeah. I forgot". So, if for some reason Ashley stumbles upon this blog, the Hot Redhead @ Bouchon in the orange Tory Burch-ian dress says "Hi!"

1:10 P.M. - Bouchon recently started using local wineries as "House Wines" that they serve by the glass, carafe or half carafe. Today's is a Yountville Semillion that The Lush -err- The Hottie got a half carafe of. Math not being her strong suit, she didn't realize a half carafe = 500 ml (i.e. 2/3 of a full bottle of wine). Somebody's going to fall asleep in the car...



2:05 P.M. - ZOMG!!! Birthday wishes DO come true (no, not Padma). I was hoping against hope that Bouchon Bakery might have some Halloween type creations and they do! Selections include a pumpkin "cupcake", that looks nothing like a conventional cupcake, pumpkinseed brittle, giant shortbread cookies decorated with a candy web and spider, bat shaped TKOs (Thomas Kellers interpretation of an Oreo) and, The Hotties fave, a giant candy apple. It should surprise nobody reading this blog that I get one of each.

2:22 P.M. Having visited Michael Chiarello's Napastyle recently, there isn't a whole lot on my shopping list. Regardless, I do overfill a 1l bottle of Unfiltered Sicilain EVOO. Yeah...that's messy. Still, picking your own apothecary-type bottle and filling it with one of six different olive oils from a giant metal dispenser is pretty damn kewl. Messy...but kewl.

3:28 P.M. If your local, old school hardware store and Sur La Table had a love child, it would be Sign of the Bear in Downtown Sonoma. Thousands upon thousands of kitchen gadgets you never knew existed or needed (until now) randomly crammed into narrow aisles. I get a cutting board that folds into a scoop, a reversible, silicone jigger, a double sided rubber spatula/scraper thingy and a turkey baster with a giant silicone turkey as the bulb. Oh, did I mention they're ALL bright orange (the predominant color of my kitchen)?

3:50 P.M. I can't go to Sonoma without visiting the Sonoma Jack Cheese Factory. I've been coming here since I was a wee lad and they actually made the cheese on the premises. They've since moved the cheese making operations and replaced it with froo-froo wine/cheese boutiquey retail space but the sandwiches (featuring their cheese, of course) are still a picnic must and they have over twenty cheeses to try. There's fudge to sample too but cheese>fudge and we need to get home. The Hottie forgot how hot the Habenaro Jack cheese was. Heh. Silly girl.

6:19 P.M. My birthday loot is, predictably, foodcentric as has been the case since...high school...maybe even earlier? The new Ad Hoc cookbook, the reprinted (and no longer $200) Fat Duck cookbook, a pair of Himalayan Salt Plates and a set of Staub Mini-Cocoettes are among the haul. Non food items include stuffed murlocs, a WoW Loot Card (the Ogre Pinata) and a Cal Polo Shirt!

7:12 P.M. Chef Mark Dommen vexes me!!! You see, I've NEVER had his tasting menu because, frankly, there's ALWAYS some special going on that looks even BETTER. Dine About Town, a knock-off of Dine About Town or, the most frequent offender, The Daily Roast >_< Could I interest you in a tasty Pork Saddle today? Or perhaps a 10 oz. Filet of Beef slow-roasted in our fire pit! He always makes me change my mind. Well today I went to get his tasting menu, dammit! So I refuse to be tempted by...oooooooo...what's this? The Weekly Beast? A new FRI and SAT only special during OCT where he picks a different animal and makes a 5-course Head to Hoof tasting menu. And tonight is...Lamb!!! DAMN YOU MARK DOMMEN!!! DAMN YOU!!!!!!

So, yeah, I'm having lamb tonight. Did I mention the wine pairing is only $20? So, yeah, The Hottie is having more wine. Whee!

9:55 P.M. Even though I'm stuffed and, yes, there was a lamb dessert (Sheep's Milk Ricotta Fritters) we still have to have B-Day Cake. It's a tradition, after all. Now, I'm still fuzzy on the details but, apparently, there was some sort of mishap on my birthday cake and the box was too short and/or it got slammed around in the back seat and the frosting got smudged on the lid or some junk. So The Grumpy Parental Unit decided in his infinite wisdom to just smear the entire top rather than leave it be with a couple dents. I can still make out some balloons, but whatever writing was once there looks like hyperactive finger painting hit with an Adobe blur filter. I have no clue. I gave up trying to figure out his "logic" many moons ago. Bottom Line: It's a tasty three-layer chocolate cake from the same old-school bakery my B-Day Cake comes from EVERY year. And The Puppy likes the finger painting frosting once we scrape it off, so it's all good.

Happy Birthday To Me.

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LUCE HAZ A STAR!!!

ZOMGWTFBBQ!!! I can hardly believe it!!! I JUST (literally, 3 min ago) opened my shiny new Michelin Guide, found the page that listed the Starred Restaurants and, upon seeing my fave/underrated place on the list, exclaimed "LUCE GOT A STAAAAAAR!" out loud IRL. My next thought was to start texting people to tell them the news...and decided this was easier :p Remember, this was the place that was First Runner-Up for my RESTAURANT THAT MOST DESERVES A MICHELIN STAR (BUT DOESN'T HAVE ONE) AWARD. /happydance. And, for the record, the winners of said award (Bouchon & B&B Ristorante) are in Vegas which doesn't get a guide this year, so we'll never know if I was right about them too...

Much more to follow, including a new Live Blog tomorrow that you won't want to miss...

Edit: The Professional Liar will be happy to know that HIS fave/underrated restaurant, Chevalier, made the Michelin Guide and even received a . That makes us both happy pandas...

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Look Out Below + Justifying The 9

It occurred to me that some of you (and by some, I mean all) probably didn't notice last week that I added some new features to the blog. You hit your bookmark, saw the cute picture of The Puppy and moved along to your next time-wasting bookmark, incorrectly assuming there was nothing new. Shame on you! Now scroll down, look at the new content and then come back here. Go on! I'll wait...

…

Done? Good. So, now you know that other parts of the blog get updates (like A to Z) even if I don't have some overly-long entry on the Main Page. So, if you do a drive-by, you might miss something and I'm NOT going to post here EVERY time I change something. You have been warned.

So, obviously, the most interesting content is the ranking of Th3 n1n3. And, like most lists it's sure to piss off plenty of people. 'ZOMGBBQ!!! HOW DARE YOU HAVE CYRUS RANKED LAST!!!! U R A N00B!!!!' my comments section would read (if I allowed commenting, that is). First off, this is MY top nine EXPERIENCES and only for THIS year. That doesn't mean that Micheal Mina > Redd > Guy Savoy. It means my experience(s) @ Micheal Mina this year were superior to my visits to Redd and Guy Savoy THIS YEAR. You had different experiences and, six months from now, I could very well have different experiences at the exact same places, but I can only go but what happened to me. Ordering the wrong dish, having a server in the weeds, being sat next to loud/annoying people on cell phones and such can ruin a fine meal at a truly great restaurant. It happens. But enough of my “disclaimer”, on to why I ranked places where I did...

Number one was a no-brainer. There are a lot of little things I like that really help enhance a meal. Extra intemezzo courses, things done tableside, cheese courses, visits from the chef, molecular gastronomy (done correctly – not just for the sake of doing molecular gastronomy) are some of those things and ALL of them happened @ Madrona Manor. Plus it happened to be our anniversary at a restaurant that we had visited on our honeymoon. It was pretty much a perfect meal.

Madrona also shows that, even though my blog is named after the Michelin Guide, I don't pay much heed to their scoring system. I mean, ranking single-star Madrona Manor ABOVE three-star Joel Robuchon and two-star Guy Savoy, Michael Mina AND Cyrus! Sacre Blue! Just keep in mind the Michelin Guide is just that...a guide. While some might view it as a bible, I think it's healthier to view it as a very descriptive map. The difference between a two-star and a one-star is mostly subjective anyways...which brings us to number two and number three.

We've gone to Michael Mina so many times in '09 (mostly because of their ridiculously affordable Pre-Theater Menu) that we practically have our own table. The hostess recognizes us, the mater die recognizes us as does the waitstaff. Needless to say, that is very kewl. Went went to The Dining Room once and had one of the best meals of the year with a-l-m-o-s-t French Laundry type ninja servers. To me, EITHER would make a solid number two but I give the edge to Micheal Mina for consistency.

That a three-star restaurant ranked as “low” as four is a bit weird even to me (and I wrote the list), but I simply had a better time at Madrona, Mina and the Ritz-Carlton. That being said, Robuchon was a VERY memorable meal with courses that looked like each dish had it's own creative director. Number five, Sushi-Zo, was on the opposite side of the spectrum. Tiny plate after tiny plate of fresher-than-should-be-possible seafood and rice with the terse instructions of “Soy sauce!!!” or “No soy sauce, please!!!”. It's a trip and, without a doubt, the best sushi I've ever consumed.

At this point, the list gets a lot more murky. Madrona, Mina, Ritz-Carlton, Robuchon and Sushi-Zo were EASILY the best five places I went this year. They were memorable, had impeccable service and creative, perfectly executed dishes that, to this day, I still crave and probably remember them as being even better than they actually were. I might struggle with who's #2 vs. #4, but they're all Top Five. Picking six though nine was kid of like pulling teeth. I really, really liked Gordon Ramsay BUT that was only for High Tea...so not really a fair assessment. Same is true of Providence BUT that was only for dessert. The Village Pub was truly memorable and left me wanting more but was it really better than Guy Savoy's bread pairing or the Champagne and Caviar Cart @ Cyrus? This is where the list stopped being fun >_<

Redd, like Mina, gets high marks for consistently great food on multiple visits (it's become my Go-To place in Kellerville). Guy Savoy merits number seven for the service, bread and cheese carts. Plus his son, Frank, loved my silver velvet Armani jacket and the Foodie A to Z thing. So, yeah, he knows about the blog too. (Hi Frank!). The Plumed Horse ranks number eight in SPITE of so-so service. It wasn't bad...just nowhere near the ninjalike servers of the restaurants higher on the list. Foodwise though, the tasting menu was spectacular. Tighten up a few things and it moves up the list. Which brings us to number nine, Cyrus. Now MANY people would have you believe that Cyrus is the equal, if not superior, to The French Laundry. I don't see it. Aside from two-renowned chefs cooking in the NorCal Wine Country, I don't see the parallels and, frankly, I think the comparisons hurt Cyrus. With all the hype and fanfare I was EXPECTING a transcendent experience and I got a tasting menu with...two, maybe, three good courses. It was still interesting and memorable, but on the expectations vs. reality scale it really under delivered. Sorry.

But, like I said, six through nine was really a crap shoot, so if it makes you feel any better, go ahead and pretend that you fave was #6 or JUST missed the list because, frankly, you could six through nine in a Yahtzee dice cup and re-number them and I wouldn't have much to quibble about. Redd, Cyrus, The Plumed Horse, Guy Savoy along with the others mentioned above are ALL worthy of being an anybody's Top Ten list.

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Puppy Day!

In case you missed it, The Puppy is featured for today, SEP 22, in The Cute Overload Daily Calendar (picture to follow)...

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OT Review: Brunch @ Redd (Director's Cut)

As you should know by now, I took out both the 'R' & 'U' in my A to Z over the weekend by dining at Redd and Ubuntu. Nomnomnom!

REVIEW OF REDD AS POSTED ON OPENTABLE:

“Sunday Brunch at Redd is a perfect way to kick off a day of wine tasting in Napa. If the weather is nice, get there early and request an outside table as these tend to fill up quickly. I've consumed at least half the items on the menu and have rarely been disappointed by Chef Reddington's versions of classic American dishes. Dishes like Steak & Eggs, Huevos Rancheros, Hangtown Fry and Poached Eggs & Hash are elevated to haute cusine. My personal favorites are the Breakfast Pizza (a buttery crust with cheese baked in, topped with creme fraiche, perfectly fluffy scrambled eggs and prosciutto) and the made-to-order donut holes with 3 dipping sauces. They're rarely on the menu, but ask anyways - they've always come through. You won't regret it!”

Overall: 5 Stars.
Food: 5 Stars.
Ambiance: 4 Stars.
Service: 4 Stars.
Noise: 2 (Moderate)

THE DIRECTOR'S CUT/COMMENTARY:

I got most of what I wanted in, in, although there are two things I would have added. One, the sauces for the donut holes: Strawberry Jam, Cinnamon Sugar and Dulce de Leche. They are ALL quite good but, honestly, they don't even need them. The dozen piping hot donut balls are perfectly tasty as is. /drool

The second thing was edited out because of both space and the fact that I wanted to focus on Brunch (the meal I had been there for). But my Gentle Readers deserve to know this: If you have a small party and you're going there for dinner, DO NOT overlook the Tasting Menu. I know it's a bit odd that it won't have the courses listed, but DO NOT let that dissuade you. We went with The Meat Guy for the Tasting Menu and were each served a DIFFERENT dish for all five courses. Yes, that's 15 different dishes brought to the table. They were all, more-or-less, tasting portions of menu items so, by the end of the night, we had essentially tasted everything on the menu :D It also made for a bit of fun at the table. If The Meat Guy got something he didn't like, he'd simply trade with one of us and vice versa. It was kind of like grade school all over: I'll trade you my peanut butter and jelly sandwich for your pudding cup and grapes. It was also amusing because we had gotten there early and the dining room had yet to fill up and we could see Chef Reddington peering into the room to spy on us! I'm not sure if he was looking to see if we were happy with our dishes (which, of course, we were) or how far along we were in our progression, so he knew when to fire up the next trio but, regardless, it was very kewl to have the Chef poking his head around the corner all night :D Keep in mind, it seems unlikely this would happen if there had been four (or more) of us, so if you go with more people or later in the night when it's packed all bets are off on getting different dishes...

Seemingly, all and places in The Wine Country have excellent bars and outstanding wine lists. Redd is no exception. Cocktails are solid, if pricey and the wines by the glass list is large enough that it should have something for everybody (both in terms of varietals and price). I can't vouch for the sommelier one way or another...never used him :p

It c-a-n be a hard reservation to get, but, if you get shut out (or just want something a little more casual), there is a bar menu available that I've heard is quite good (although I've never eaten at the bar). Service tends to be solid, if not spectacular and can be “casually” paced which would be annoying if, say, you were trying to drive to Geyserville, hit some wineries in Alexander Valley and make it BACK to Napa for an early dinner reservation (although, in all seriousness, no real complaints here). The decor is okay, in an IKEA kind of way, but, as long as the weather is nice, outside seating is definitely the way to go - request it when making your reservations. Finally, the sinks in the loo are rather kewl. Seriously...go wash your hands. Have I ever let you down?

EXPANDED ZAGAT-STYLE RATINGS:

FOOD: 26
DECOR: 21
SERVICE: 23
PRICE: E

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Live Blog: Wine Country & The Elusive 'U'

So, in my quest for the Elusive 'U' I am, indeed, going to Ubuntu in Napa. And, as I stated in the Elusive U Post, there's no way in hell I'm going to an upscale vegetarian place in Napa without also hitting one of my fave places as well. The choices are many, but the logical choice is Redd: it counts as my 'R' and their brunch is just plain awesome. The breakfast pizza is a must and even if you don't see the made-to-order "donuts" on the menu, ask for them - you won't be sorry.

So we've got brunch reservations @ Redd and early (5:30) dinner reservations for Ubuntu. That gives us a decent amount of time in the Wine Country to kill without The Hottie hitting eight different wineries and having to be poured into her seat for dinner. My Plan? Head to Geyserville in The Alexander Valley and hit some of the wineries that we rarely go to because they're so far out of the way. It'll take at least an hour to drive there from Redd and it should be a beautiful, if extremely hot (100+ is a distinct possibility), day for an extended drive in the Wine Country. Hanna, Clos du Bois and the newly remodeled Francis Ford Coppola Winery are all on the itinerary. Now if I can just remember where that frelling speed trap is BEFORE I get to it this time...

8:29 A.M. - Yay! It's overcast! And I'm not being sarcastic either. It's been inhumanly hot here in The Bay for the past 2-3 days and The Wine Country will run a good ten degrees warmer than here, BUT if it's overcast in the AM then we won't have to deal with 100+ weather today. /happydance

9:02 A.M. - Good news, bad news. Good news: As I was jotting down addys for the wineries we're going to (just in case the GPS doesn't have them) I find a free tasting certificate for one of the places! Bad news: Our cranky H2O Heater is dead. Like, the thing that sparks to light the pilot light dead. So no hot water today. On balance, pretty bad news. Ten bucks saved < Cost + Hassle of new water heater. Meh...

9:39 A.M. - ProTip: If you're going Wine Tasting for any length of time, make sure to bring some portable carbtastic, fatty snacks with you to help absorb the alcohol (The pours might LOOK small, but they add up). That's why we're at Trader Joe's buying Pretzel Slims w/Everything (always a fave) and Salty, Sweet & Nutty Trek Mix (never had b4, but looks nut heavy and tasty). And DON'T forget the water either! We've got a small cooler that will be filled with ice, H2O and Frostie's Blue Cream Soda.

11:29 A.M. - Crossing the Carcinas Bridge. The best advice The Professional Liar ever gave me was to get a Fast Pass to zip thru toll booths with zero hassle. It doesn't cost anything and saves a lot of time! Even if you only use the bridges a handful of times a YEAR it's still worth it.

1:38 P.M. - Brunch at Redd was tasty as always, but the "casual" pace of the service leaves our trip to Geyserville in jeopary. Google said it would be a 70-80 minute drive but our Garmin claims we'll be there in 45 mins. We shall see. As for the food itself, I'll post the Director's Cut Review later this week, but I'll leave you with this: The donuts aren't EVER on the brunch menu anymore, but order them anyways. They will make them for you and they are awesome :D

1:55 A.M. - The A's Radio Network sucks like a Dyson. I don't mean the broadcast itself, I mean the transmission on the 60-watt "station" they moved to this year. Being the Minor League affiliate for MLB, the A's have had, like, three different stations in the last five years and the latest one is beyond awful. Seriously, I'm driving HOME from a game and get static less than 1-2 miles FROM the ballpark. Anyways, the transmission has finally become too bad to hear anything resembling speech, so we switch to Radio One. This is fine cause it's The Chart Show with Fearne (sans Reggie, who's at Festival in Reading) which means I'm assured hours of La Roux, Little Boots, Cascada and other acts you're never heard of. And if you haven't figured out by now that I have a thing for Euro Techno/Pop, then you just haven't been paying attention. Plus, the A's went from a one-run lead to a three-run deficit in the short time I've been listening since brunch. Nothing good will come of this >_<

2:01 P.M. - This is the original Taylor's Automatic Refresher in St. Helena. Has The Foodie ever eaten here? No. Why not? Just look at that picture...do you SEE that line? The place is CRAZY popular with locals and visitors alike and while an unbelievably long line can indicate really good food, it also indicates...well...a really long wait :p Some day yes, just not today...I snap my shots and move along.


2:56 P.M. - Leaving Hanna Winery with "merely" three bottles of wine. As always, we bought wines that have little to no distribution or are sold exculsively at the wineries. As "locals" to the region, we can pick up most wines at BevMo, Trader Joe's or the local supermarket (and, generally, cheaper too) so if we're going to drive two hours to a winery, might as well get something special, amirite? Oh yeah, and The Hottie got an extra pour.

WINE-O-METER:

6 "Tastes".
3 Bottles Purchased.

TOTAL:

6 "Tastes"
3 Bottles Purchased.

3:39 P.M. - Our pourer @ Clos Du Bois went CRAZY. I think he was more impressed with our wine knowledge than The Hotties cleavage but, either way, she was SUPPOSED to get 3 samples and ended up tasting 6 (2 of which weren't on ANY of the tasting lists). On top of that, he INSISTED on pouring ME two tastes even though I was refraining as the driver, which means The Hottie got my pours as well. Thank gawd we've got water and snacks in the GTI! Oh yeah, and he comped the tasting as well...so no charge :D FYI, the sectioned wine bag they give you instead of a traditional wine box is pretty slick.

WINE-O-METER:

8 "Tastes".
4 Bottles Purchased.

TOTAL:

14 "Tastes"
7 Bottles Purchased.

4:19 P.M. - Finally headed to The Elusive 'U'. We hadn't been to the recently re-named Francis Ford Coppola Winery since is was Chateau Souverain many, many moons ago and it's STILL undergoing major renovations. Sadly, they didn't have many of the interesting wines for sale (let alone tasting) that I had seen on their website (like the Skywalker Ranch and the Alicante Bouschet wines), so we were a little disappointed. Tasting was comped yet again (which means we paid for zero tastings today) and though we only picked up one bottle of wine, I did snag a jar of their branded pasta sauce. I don't know if it really uses Francis' mother's "secret" recipe, but it was damn tasty regardless ^_^

WINE-O-METER:

5 "Tastes".
1 Bottles Purchased.

FINAL TOTAL:

19 "Tastes"
8 Bottles Purchased.

19 Pours + The Ginger Bloody Mary @ Brunch = A Well Lubricated Hottie. We tried our best to keep the consumption low by only hitting three wineries far, far away (so lots of driving time) but the trigger-happy pourers worked against us and, seriously, what are you going to say. "Oh no! Don't give me another taste of a special wine that isn't even on your wine list. Away with you, heathen!" I think not. As for wines purchased...yeah...thank goodness we got MORE wine. You know, CAUSE WE ONLY HAVE OVER 100 BOTTLES IN THE HOUSE ALREADY. I'm not joking. We easily have that much. Seriously. Don't make me get up and count them all, 'cause I will!!!

5:18 P.M. - Handyman 408-472-1442 needs to die in a fire. I've been stuck behind this truck going consistently five to ten miles UNDER the speed limit for the last half hour. He's completely destroyed ANY chance of shaving time off of my Ubuntu arrival time and actually ADDED time. And, for some reason, Sonoma/Napa have surprisingly few dotted/passing lanes (i.e. two in the last thirty mins and neither were clear as we passed them) for a two-lane highway. Grrrrrr!

5:29 P.M. - Yes, my reservation at Ubuntu is in one minute and I'm in line @ Bouchon Bakery, but that just tells you where the two rank in my food chain: Bouchon Bakery >>> Ubuntu. ANY trip to The Wine Country involves a trip to Bouchon Bakery, so if you wanna know how many times I've been here this year, just check the A to Z. If it's a Napa/Sonoma County restaurant, then it included a trip here - NO exceptions. And I'll be damned if that Sunday Driver was going to keep me from my Sticky Bun, Nutter Butter, Walnut Bread and Neapolitan Rice Krispie Thing. A pox on Handyman 408 and his children's children! DOUBLE BONUS: After not having their Foie Gras Dog Treats all year they FINALLY have some in stock!!! Granted they're smaller and in different packaging, but I don't care. I get a dozen. The Puppy will be dancing a Snoopy Dance when we get home ^_^

6:58 P.M. - Like Redd, I'll post a Director's Cut Review about Ubuntu later this week but, suffice to say, a would not be undeserved. If anybody tells you otherwise they are haters, have a limited palette or simply allow their preconceptions of what food "should be" to stunt their ability to enjoy food that's outside the box. I don't care if it's upscale bio-dynamic vegetarian/vegan, bbq from a strip mall, pretentious molecular gastronomy or food served on a paper plate from a taco truck: at the end of the day, good food is good food. Period. Rant aside, The Hottie got the Rose Wine Flight (three wines) with dinner, so she'll be "sleeping" most of the ride home...



7:15 P.M. - We're now passing the only Sonic with 100 miles of us and we're NOT stopping for the $2.99 Burger and Shake Combo. This is significant for two reasons: 1)The Hottie loves Sonic and rarely misses the opportunity to go (see the Vegas Blog for more on this) and 2)It means Ubuntu did not suck. Seriously, we had Sonic in mind as a back-up in case the Elf Food blew chunks or left us hungry. I mean, even vegetarians were warning The Hottie that upscale veggie cuisine always left you hungry. Well, not Ubuntu.

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OT Review: The Village Pub (Director's Cut)

As you should know by now, The Foodie is a BIG advocate of OpenTable. If I CAN use it to make a reservation, I do. It just makes things much simpler. A few months back they started sending out e-mails after you'd dined at an establishment asking you to rate the restaurant...which I promptly deleted. However, a few weeks ago it occurred to me that I probably SHOULD leave feedback. I mean, I AM an OpenTable VIP, have racked up hundreds of thousands of OpenTable points and eat out way more than any human should. I would like to think my A to Z list alone would give me some street cred, amirite? And I'll DEFINITELY leave more insightful/helpful comments than "corkage at $30 is outrageously high". Seriously...that was this schmucks ENTIRE review of The Village Pub. How was the service, Barry? THEY CHARGED ME $30 CORKAGE!!!!! Um, okay...but was the food any good? $30 – THAT'S TOO HIGH!!!! Yeah...that's useful. I'll bet the same noob spammed Yelp and Chowhound with similar posts. Made him feel better, I'm sure - “I'll get those bastards for charging me so much on corkage – MWAHAHAHAHA!!!”. But, I digress...

So now I AM posting reviews for some of the places I dine, but something else occurred to me: my Gentle Readers have NO idea that its me. For all they know, I'm the douche complaining about corkage fees. I'm just 1 of 72 seemingly random reviews, so I decided to re-post them here. But, of course, reviews on OpenTable are...simple, so I'm not entirely happy with that format. One to five stars isn't much of a range and the character limit make the posts more Twittery than my typically verbose blogs. I understand WHY OpenTable wants everything to be concise, but that doesn't mean I have to be happy with it :p So, as a result, you get the Director's Cut! The stuff I WANTED to say, but couldn't for lack of space/resources.

Now, I NEVER intended to have “reviews” as part of my blog – I wanted it to be more about my experiences, insights and snark but, honestly, if I can keep diners from having a gawdawful dining experience (or, conversely, point them in the direction of a fantabulous meal they wouldn't have otherwise experienced) then I'm okay with that...

REVIEW OF THE VILLAGE PUB AS POSTED ON OPENTABLE:

“Don't let the name fool you: Woodside m-i-g-h-t be a "Village", but there's nothing "Pub"-like about this Michelin Starred gem. I live in the East Bay, so it's a fairly long trek to get there, but it was DEFINITELY worth the drive. I dined on a SAT and while the place was packed, you'd never know it from the flawless tag-team service. Our server encouraged us to order from both the (more casual) Bar Menu as well as the Dining Menu which gives you more options. Highlights included a Heirloom Tomato Salad with Burrata and 12-year Old Balsamic (made tableside), Charcuterie featuring 9 types of cured meat and a fantastic Buttermilk Panna Cotta served over a Blueberry Cake with Warm Almond Soup. We're already planning our next trip back!”

Overall: 5 Stars.
Food: 5 Stars.
Ambiance: 4 Stars.
Service: 5 Stars.
Noise: 3 (Energetic).

THE DIRECTOR'S CUT/COMMENTARY:

Okay, the only other thing I r-e-a-l-l-y wanted to post (but ran out of space) was the noise. I have no idea why OT uses 1 to 5 for everything else but only 1 to 3 on noise, but “energetic” doesn't do justice to just how loud The Village Pub is. Even half full, it was hard to hear The Hottie and it only got worse as the place filled up. Now, I'm not suggesting that it's a bad thing, but I really wanted to point it out. It is a truly great restaurant worthy of it's Michelin Star, but if you're looking for an intimate experience or a romantic place, look elsewhere.

As noted, the tag-team service was spectacular (seriously, we had no less than ten different people dropping off dishes, taking away dishes, replacing utensils, re-filling the sparkling H2O, etc.) and The Hottie was duly impressed by Max their sommilier. Granted, it didn't hurt that her pour was ginourmaous – as least 1 ½ the amount you'd expect for wine by the glass. The kitchen, however, made the slickest move of the night. I ordered one more dish than The Hottie, so when they brought out my Shaved Foie Gras Torchon they presented The Hottie with the cutest little Caesar salad in the history of Caesar salads as a “gift from the chef”. It was 3-4 small pieces of romaine tied together with an anchovy and drizzled with parmesan, mini-croutons and dressing. Foodwise, it wasn't much more than a jumbo amuse bouche but for Style Points, it's off the charts. That sort of thoughtfulness can easily make the difference between a good meal and a great one.

Foodwise, I liked everything I ordered. Of the three things mentioned in the review you c-o-u-l-d skip the Tomato Salad and just go with the Torchon, but I have a fondness for the tomato/cheese/basil/balsamic combo. However, the best thing I ate that night I haven't even mentioned yet: The Braised Lamb Shoulder that was part of the Spring Lamb Trio. Of the three preperations, it was clearly the best. Deep, instense, melt-in-your-mouth meaty goodness. Think of a lamb version of braised short ribs on steroids. If my 'trio' had been three servings of that, I would have been a happy man.

The Hottie went 100% French on the night: Veal Sweetbreads with a Slow-Poached Egg, Charcuterie (which had 4 different accompaniments to go with the 9 types of meat), Three Preparations of Rabbit and the aforementioned glass of Côtes du Rhône. We fully intended to do the full cheese tasting as well but, sadly, ran out of room.

Finally, The Village Pub had all the little extras you'd expect from a Michelin Starred establishment: White Gazpacho as an amuse, Mini-Lemon Madelines with the check and they stored the “Doggie Bag” at the front desk and handed it to The Hottie as we left the building (while opening the door, of course). All in all, one of the best meals I've had in a while and I wasn't kidding, we ARE already planning a return trip. Just too many good things to try on the menu that we just didn't have a chance to get to.

EXPANDED ZAGAT-STYLE RATINGS:

FOOD: 26
DECOR: 21
SERVICE: 26
PRICE: VE

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Live Blog: Las Vegas Road Trip

Yes, I'm doing a lame "Live" journal type thing for my Vegas Road Trip. I s-e-r-i-o-u-s-l-y thought about doing one on my L.A. Trip, but didn't and kinda regret it. A LOT of stuff happened in L.A. that would have been fun to save for posterity, so I guess Vegas will have to do instead. It may suck like a Hoover or it might make for awesomely snarktastic cheesy goodness, IDK. We'll see how it goes...

07.30.09

11:58 A.M. - The Foodie is a Happy Panda! While buying my $50 Gift Certificate for miX at restaurant.com I notice that they have a slot for discount codes so, on a whim, I Google 'restaurant.com discount code' and find a code (NAPKIN) for EIGHTY percent off! So my fifty dollar credit costs me all of FOUR DOLLARS! That's, basically, a main and an app for the price of one of The Hottie's Grande Skinny Vanilla Lattes at Starbuck's (and at a Michelin starred restaurant no less). Can you say steal? On top of that, I was going thru the Shopdiscover.com site and get 20% cash back too boot. Granted, 20% back on four bucks aint much...but I'll take it ;p

1:18 P.M. - WTF is wrong with Southwest? I go to use their on-line check-in and copy the confirmation number directly FROM the e-mail they sent me and the website keeps telling me it's not valid because it doesn't have the proper/correct number of characters o_O Really? You SENT me that combination of numbers/letters Southwest!!! But when I finally manually TYPE in the exact same characters it takes it no problem /smack

6:32 P.M. - While looking over the menu on-line @ Memphis Championship BBQ, I start SERIOUSLY considering packing some heavy-duty Tupperware so I can snag some BBQ to-go on SUN and pack it in the checked luggage on the way back. I've got a limited number of meals to enjoy over the weekend and it's not like I can take Wing Lei's Duck Tasting Menu home with me, now can I? Plus, it's supposed to be 106 this weekend in Sin City, so while The Hottie's wardrobe will still be vast it will also be...well...tiny. As a result, there will be more available room than normal in the luggage! This idea is starting to make more and more sense to me...

8:59 P.M. - No, this pic isn't staged. Whenever we pack for a trip, The Puppy leaps into the open luggage as if to say, "Okay Mommily, I'm all packed. Let's Go!". Granted, it's kinda weird...but mostly cute.

And, yes, I realize there's no pic here at present...I don't have what it takes to post pics on the road, so just IMAGINE a super-kawaii pic of a Peke sitting in a giant piece of pink luggage :p

07.31.09

12:31 P.M. - The Kia Spectra sux. That is all.

1:04 P.M. - My Angus Burger topped with Swiss, Prosciotto and Foie Gras arrives. Nom nom nom. The Hottie, being the Egg Slut she is, went for a burger topped with Cheddar, Bacon and...a Fried Egg. It's been a while since I've been to Hubert Keller's Burger Bar and I'd forgotten a couple of things. One - The server's outfits are HOT (as are most of the servers) and Two – Their beer selection is insane: two dozen beers on tap and over one-hundred bottled beers.

2:38 P.M. - It takes The Hottie less than 3 hours in Vegas to suggest we go to Sonic. She definitely has a Sonic fixation - so sad. Then again, it is 106 degrees and half-price drink happy hour, so the idea of a super-sized, cold, refreshing beverage isn't without merit.

4:30 P.M. - Upgrade! The Hard Rock must really like me! Not only is our room comped for our stay, but I got upgraded to a Pool View Room on the Third floor. My room is closer to the pool than some of the “poolside” cabanas. Seriously, I could TALK to people at the pool from my balcony if I wanted...

8:33 P.M. - I check the A's score while waiting for Glasvegas to start @ The House of Blues. My $100 bet looks pretty secure as Oaktown has an 8-1 lead. BTW, this also means that, over a ten day span, I will have seen Ada Maria, La Roux and Glasvegas live. This means diddly squat to 99.9% of the Americans reading my blog, but to any music-loving Euros it will prolly impress them /flex.

10:04 – w00t! We score one of the Austin Powers Egg Booths @ miX. If you've ever been to miX, you know EXACTLY what I'm talking about. Also, my Beef-Topped-With-Foie-Gras-Day at The Mandalay continues as they have a beef tenderloin special topped with seared fois gras and truffles. The Hottie gets duck and, as always, the sommelier's suggestion for a wine pairing is top notch. The wine team @ miX is consistently one of the best we've encountered anywhere...

DAY ONE LUSH-O-METER:

BEER: 2.
COCKTAILS: 1.
WINE: 1.

TOTAL DRINKS: 4. Don't worry, she may be off to a slow start, but I'm sure The Hottie is just warming up...

08.01.09

12:58 A.M.– We're calling it a nite. I've been up since 5:00 A.M. And just had a r-e-a-l-l-y nice streak where, with my A's bet, I'm even after being down $600 earlier in the day. I don't WANT to leave Danielle (one of my fave dealers who knows us on sight) but even SHE tells me I should leave before giving all my winnings back. Good call. After cashing in my chips I see that they replaced Danielle with their resident Cooler. Bitch is hot as hell, has a sick body and is cold as ice. If somebody told me she was an android I wouldn't flinch. She deals cards at an inhuman clip and sucks up your chips like a Dyson. Can you tell she's taken my money many, many times before?

5:15 A.M. - I just found out The Hard Rock has no cold water. You can turn on what they CLAIM is cold water, but when the 'low' for the day is 84 degrees, the supposedly cold H2O is lukewarm at best. As for what The Foodie is doing in the oversized tub @ five o'clock in the morning I'll simply quote Barry and Levon, “Shhhhhhhhhhhh. Don't worry your pretty little head about it.”

10:58 A.M. - The pool @ The Hard Rock hasn't even been open an hour and, already, EVERY spot/lounge chair has been claimed. Fortunately, I had detected the insane influx thirty mins earlier and claimed our spots while The Hottie got ready in our room. I also realize that weeks of dieting, hours on the recumbent bike and miles walking on the sandy beach don't mean squat. With The Hottie laying next to me in her Victoria's Secret bikini, I could be a glow-in-the-dark Jabba The Hutt and nobody would notice.

3:39 P.M. - Five hours at the insanity that is The Hard Rock pool is about our limit (especially in 100++ weather). We haven't even collected our stuff or put on our cover-ups before somebody pounces on our prime seats. Bonus: Some of the Hells Belles now work as bikini-clad dealers at he pool during the summer. Amy and her buddy Susie treat me very well, as does the Cocktail Waitress. As I've said many times before, if I'm going to lose money, I'd at least like to have fun doing it!

5:05 P.M. - I make the biggest mistake of the trip so far and decide to go back down to the pool for some more Blackjack while The Hottie is resting (i.e. passed out) in our room. The $100 tables at the pool are E-V-I-L! AVOID AT ALL COSTS!!!

7:42 P.M. - My last trip to Nobu didn't leave me terribly impressed, but I must say The Black Cod marinated in Miso is a signature dish for a reason. I skip most of the sushi selections (my mind is still haunted by the unforgettable omakase @ Sushi-Zo) and must say this is the way to go. Sushi, once ZOMGUNIQUE, is pretty commonplace now and IMHO the sushi @ Nobu is overrated - good, but not great. As a result, I am rewarded with Spicy Miso Lotus ‘Chips’ with Tuna, Three ethereal Kumamoto Oysters with signature sauces and a mind-blowingly good miso-almond cake with japanese rice puffs and...wait for it...wait for it...EDAMAME ICE CREAM!!!

DAY TWO LUSH-O-METER:

BEER: 1.
COCKTAILS: 4.

TOTAL DRINKS: 9. Ordering back-to-back Bacardi and Diets before noon (in the Super Big Gulp Sized Poolside Tiki Cups no less) took their toll early or The Hottie would have consumed more, I assure you.

08.02.09

12:21 A.M. - Pretty much the first thing The Hottie squealed when I told her (weeks ago) that Leno was playing at The Mirage was "We can go to BLT Burger!!!", so I'm not suprised at all to find myself here. And, mind you, we're not r-e-a-l-l-y here for the burgers, per se. The Hottie wants her Malibu Barbie: A vanilla shake with pineapple juice, coconut milk and...Malibu Rum. Yes, The Hottie is drinking a spiked milkshake...I'm sure you're all so very, very shocked. I try the Twinkie Boy: A vanilla shake blended with caramel sauce and Twinkies! It's even garnished with the tip of a twinkie and tastes really, really good with an interesting mouthfeel. This is the perfect food to be eating in Vegas @ 1 in the morning (which is probably why there's a line to get in at 1 in the morning, eh?)...

11:22 A.M. - It should surprise absolutely nobody that I find myself @ Bouchon this morning. Damn them for not taking reservations! It'll be a 30 min wait...

11:27 A.M. - I mock "Allison, Table of Three" for pulling out her best Sunday sweats for brunch. The grubby, heather grey sweat top is at least ten sizes too large, but the burnt orange jogging shorts with the peeling off Texas Longhorns logo really complete the ensemble. Somewhere, Stacy and Clinton's collective Spider Sense starts tingling...

11:55 A.M. - The Foodie is a Sad Panda : ( Being sat outside (normally a prime spot) in 100 degree weather isn't fun but, far worse, The Best. Eggs. EVAH. is no longer on the menu. Why does Keller hate me? First he stops making foie gras dog snacks for The Puppy and now THIS! I'll try the French Toast, but I'm still bummed...

12:04 P.M. - The Foodie is a Happy Panda! ^_^ It turns out that there are specials today that our in-the-weeds server didn't tell us about. I overhear him mention them to another table and my ears perk up when I hear the words "Sous vide sixteen hours". Seriously, if my head didn't rotate to maximize my listening skills, I'm sure my ears would have started springing up like some cartoon character. My order is now changed to Sous vide Steak and eggs. Also, I am informed that the Oeuf Au Gratin (i.e. Best. Eggs. EVAH.) are simply too labor intensive to have on the Brunch Menu but, I am assured, they remain on the Breakfast Menu. /cheer

2:02 P.M. - I'm at Sephora. Yay! I'm sure nobody is shocked to hear that The Hottie is some sort of Super V.I.P. in their Insider Reward Program. Thirty minutes later, $100+ is dropped on products that fit in a bag the size of a DVD case. At least the tiny bag is stylish!

3:13 P.M. - I'm at Memphis Championship BBQ! Genuine YAY! I did, indeed, pack a couple of jumbo Rubbermaid containers to fill with 'que. I go with a pound of brisket, a pound of rib tips, a bottle of regular sauce and a bottle of spicy sauce. I also get some of their sweet tea that they serve in a mason jar while I wait for the order cause, well, did I mention it's 108 degrees outside today?

3:26 P.M. - As I'm transferring the brisket from the Styrofoam take-out container to the Rubbermaid, The Hottie announces 'OMG that smells so good' as she jams her hand into the brisket and tears off a not-so-small piece. It's gone before I can blink. I'm pretty sure wolves take longer to eat meat than that. I'm not really sure if I should be proud or frightened at this moment?

5:48 P.M. - The schlubs who show up at Wing Lei in t-shirts and shorts are politely redirected to a Drive-Thru Panda Express. The amount of schadenfreude I experience from this is disturbing, but I'm okay with that.

5:51 P.M. WOW! The single-best looking/smelling duck I have EVER seen/smelled is wheeled out tableside and starts getting expertly carved up on the spot as part of our Imperial Duck Tasting. Nom nom nom.

6:21 P.M. Did I mention that The Hottie ordered a glass of champagne even though the Duck Tasting comes with two glasses of sommelier paired wine? I guess I just did...

DAY THREE LUSH-O-METER:

COCKTAILS: 1.
WINE: 3.
SPIKED MILKSHAKES: 1.

FINAL TOTAL: 14. A solid but not spectacular performance by The Hottie this trip. If The Meat Guy or Fun Bandit were there to enable her, the total would have been higher. Still, fourteen drinks is a respectable amount...

08.03.09

12:05 A.M. - The Puppy is insanely happy to see us. Nothing should have this much energy @ midnight. He'll be even happier when he finds out that The Hottie hit The Wall on course 3 of the Duck Tasting, so we have Wing Lei leftovers in the carryons. Last trip he got leftovers from Bradley Ogden. Can you say spoiled?

12:13 A.M. - @TSAmorons: If you INSIST of going thru my luggage and open up my Rubbermaid containers can you PLEASE at least put the lids back on?!?! WTF! Like we were trying to hide Al Qaeda Baby Bomb Ribs in the pink luggage? Thank Allah we double-wrapped them in shopping bags too. If BBQ sauce had gotten on The Hottie's Shearling Boots I'd be calling The Professional Liar for legal counsel right about now.

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Bib Gourmand: Vegas, Baby!

So, once again, The Foodie and The Hottie are headed to our home away from home this weekend which means I scoured The Information Super-Highway to see what's hot, what's new and what bargains can be had. For this trip, at least, the bargain hunting is merely so-so for me BUT I figured, hey, just because I'm “pinned” in to certain restaurants doesn't mean you are. SOMEBODY might as well prosper from my hours of research, amirite?

First off, don't cry too many emoticons for me since I'll be going to a Michelin-Starred place every night: miX , Nobu and Wing Lei . If you're reading this the week I posted it, you'll notice that (N)obu and (W)ing Lei nicely fit in the N & W category for Foodie: A to Z (as documented in the Elusive U Post earlier this month). But, I digress. This isn't a Look-At-All-The-Kewl-Places-I've Eaten-Blog this is a Get-The-Word-Out-About-Culinary-Steals-Blog. Now, normally, my Bib Gourmand blogs feature a single deal on a place I love. In this case, because Vegas is hurting so much for business, I'll just give you a summary on places with some pretty spectacular deals as long as you can plan ahead:

ALEX , DANIEL BOULUD , WING LEI (among others) AT THE WYNN.

At present, pretty much EVERY restaurant at The Wynn/Encore has some sort of Dine-At-An-Off-Time Deal in place. At Wing Lei you can have a 5-course Duck Tasting w/a glass of wine for $69 OR a 3-course Prix Fixe dinner with a specialty cocktail for $49. Do I really need to tell you how good a deal this is or remind you that they haz a Michelin Star? The “catch” is that it's only available before 7:00, but if you're catching a show or, say, taking a late flight back home and want to “sneak” in one, last good meal before heading home, it's ideal. The DB and Alex deals are similar: Eat before 7:00 and have 2-courses ($36) or 3-courses ($42) at Boulud's or 3-courses at Alex for $89. I can't personally vouch for Alex since I haven't been there but, hey, it DOES have TWO Michelin Stars. Boulud's place is one I've been to many times and that deal is DEFINITELY one I recommend without hesitation.

BTW, the Wynn stie is an EXTREMELY irritating Flashsite where Wynn wants you to hear him wax poetic about how amazing, interesting and unique he and his resorts are, so I couldn't link directly to the menus. So, much like the Mina Pre-Theatre menu, don't rely on the menus I linked if you're reading this blog a month after I posted it. YOU'LL have to take the hit and listen to Wynn's cheesy voice while you try and find the elusive Taste of Wynn promotion – I've already taken one bullet for you, I can't take the whole clip :p

AUREOLE , FLEUR DE LYS, miX (among others) AT MANDALAY BAY.

Much like the Wynn, a lot of the foodie destinations at The Mandalay (little 'f' foodie, a foodie in general, not me in particular) are having a 'Lion King Pre-Theater' dinner special which, of course, means dine before 7:00. Stripsteak and RM Seafood join the places listed above for having deals at this time. Frankly, The Aureole dinner sounds too good to be true: 3 course Prix Fixe for $45!!! Seriously, the last time we dined at Charlie Palmer's place, The Hottie spent more than that on a glass of wine and, sadly, I'm not exaggerating. It is the home of the Wine Angels after all. miX's offering is a little more vague: a half-dozen shared plates and two glasses of wine for $40/pop. So if you're looking for a “meal” this might not be for you, but if you're looking for a “steal” then go for it. miX is one of my fave places in all of Vegas: Awesome décor, creative, well-executed food and unsurpassed people watching 64-floors above the city. Bonus: This deal is offered ALL night long in the bar which, btw, is one of THE places to be seen in Vegas. Seriously, ZAGAT had it rated as their #1 destination for Nightlife in LV, no small feat. Chef Hubert Keller's SF transplant has deal similar to Aureole, 3-courses for $45, though it does lack the Michelin Star of the o/g. Still, star or not, a good deal is a good deal.

BTW, unlike the Taste of Wynn or the MGM Grand Summer Deals coming up, it almost seems like the Mandalay DOESN'T want you to know abut these deals. They pretty well hidden and most searches for said deals will send you to other blogs and websites. Weird. It's also worth noting that most of the Prix Fixes ARE still available after 7:00, you just pay more for them (~$10) which still makes them a bargain. Also, if you want a REAL steal, all of the Mandalay places have certificates available @ Restaurant.com (though the “special menus” are generally excluded from coupons). More on that below...

JOEL ROBUCHON , L'ATELIER DE JOEL RUBOUCHON , SEABLUE, CRAFTSTEAK (among others) AT THE MGM GRAND.

First things first, NO you shouldn't go to Creaftsteak. As I've said MANY times before there are WAY too many good places to go to in Vegas to dine @ Craftsteak. BUT you if INSIST on trying Colicchio's place, you might as well take advantage of their new 'Halfsteak Menu'. Think of it as a parent giving his kid protection: I don't want you going all the way with Tom Colicchio, but if you're not going to listen to me, I STILL want you to be smart about it :p

Good, got that out of the way. Now on to places worth my keystrokes...

Joel Robuchon has graced us with a couple of deals at his one and three star establishments @ the MGM. First is the new L'Unique menu at L'Atelier which runs 3 courses for $39 before 7:00. It's also his “express” option: the food is served all at one in a bento-style box within 15 mins so, if you're looking for a night out, this isn't the option for you. If, however, you're looking to taste Joel's food at a fraction of the price, then this is for you. If, however, you want to go all the way with one of The God's of French Cuisine, might I point out that he just introduced new, smaller tasting menus @ the THREE-STARRED restaurant starting at...$89??? Now, don't get too excited, $89 is the starting point for two courses. However, the fact that you can now pick the level of commitment from two courses ($89) to six ($195) is a bonus. Don't get me wrong, I ADORE Robuchon's stuff, but a SIXTEEN course menu is just a bit much - I do need to fit in my trunks the next day, after all. Nobody wants to look like a bloated whale at The Hard Rock Pool.

Lastly, if you want you some bargain Mina, both of his places @ the MGM have affordable prix fixe deals: 3 courses @ Nob Hill for $39 and 3 courses @ Seablue for $45 as part of the MGM's Summer Tasting Menu Promotion. As I've said before, I haven't gone to either place and it's unlikely I ever will simply because I'm spoiled and go to his two-starred SF namesake enough that I'm a regular. Still, anything under $50 for 3-courses at ANY Mina restaurant, regardless of it's location is a deal. Seablue's Happy Hour (5:30-7:00), however, is another story: two-dollar Stella Artois, one-dollar/pop for oysters or shrimp plus half-price on Mina's signature Lobster Corndogs and Salt and Pepper Calamari is prolly TOO good a deal fro The Hottie to pass up if we're in the area...

AUREOLE , miX , STRIPSTEAK, LITTLE BHUDDA, CAFE BA BA REEBA (among others) VIA RESTAURANT.COM.

Note: As of the time of this entry, Restaurant.com is running a promo for 80% of their certificates. In other words, you can get a $50.00 Gift Certificate for $4.00 by using promo code 'NAPKIN'. I know it sounds to good to be true, but it's not.

Now, some of you might find using a 'coupon' cheesy but, to you, I say go bury you face in the latest issue of Saveur and leave my blog alone. I hear that creepy judge from Top Chef Masters that looks like the 'Mmmkay' Guy from South Park is their editor-in-chief and he is SUCH a pretentious douchesnob that I'm sure you'll get along famously. Money saved is money saved whether it's a promotional menu or an e-mail link you clicked and, face it, you've read thru a blog about SAVING MONEY on dining out so, clearly, it interests you to some degree. Now, where was I? Oh yeah...saving benjamins. In a nutshell, you pay restaurant.com a fraction of the value of a gift certificate from participating restaurants and print them from your computer. Generally there are restrictions (the time of day or dates it can be used or minimum amout you need to purchase are fairly common) and the restaurants participating can be few and far between but, lately, they added a few more high end places that, frankly, I was shocked to see @ Restaurant.com. Bottom line, if I can pay $20 in advance for a $50 dining credit @ miX, Aureole or Fleur de Lys, why wouldn't I? We use a certificate from Cafe Ba Ba Reeba nearly every time we go to Sin City (The Hottie is a sucker for their Sangria/Tapas and the fact that's it's as The Fashion Show Mall doesn't hurt either) and the inclusion of some higher end restaurants can only makes things better. Just make sure you read the fine print and you're gtg.

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Tiki Time!

With Summer in full effect, The Foodie has found himself bitten by the Tiki Bug. Why? I'm not sure. We do have a solid Tiki history here in The Bay, what with Trader's Vic's originating here and that tradition being carried on with places like The Forbidden Island (arguably one of THE best tiki bars on the left coast) right here on Silicon Island. In fact, while merely prepping to write this blog entry last nite, I got the urge to GO to Trader Vics's so, just one hour later, there we were with a Suffering Bastard and Coral Reef in hand. Bonus: It happened to also be a 1000 point OpenTable rez. Cha-Ching! But I digress...

So hot days need cold drinks so, without further adieu, here are a few adult beverages for you to enjoy that are Hottie (and Meat Guy) approved. Plus, with them posted here, The Meat Guy can stop calling me and asking for the recipes :p


So why not start with the Mother of all tiki drinks, the venerable Mai Tai, invented by Trader Vic himself. Now many, many people have tried to figure out the EXACT blend of juices and syrups he used for the mix but, to that, I say eff it. Argue on your tiki forums all you want, but just buy a bottle of the mix for $5 at your local supermarket or specialty store and be done with it. If you follow the directions on the mixer it claims to use Trader Vic's Dark Rum, which you can, and it turns out tasty. HOWEVER, below is the recipe for what you'd be served if you were to actually have it at a Trader Vic's:

- 2 oz. Meyer's Dark Rum
- 1 oz. Trader Vic's Mai Tai Mix
- Juice from 1 lime (~1 oz.)
- Splash of Demerara 151 Rum (optional)

Put the Meyer's, mixer and lime juice into a cocktail shaker with crushed ice and shake vigorously. Pour contents into a rocks glass (adding more crushed ice if necessary) and splash a floater of the 151 rum. Garnish with a mint sprig and skewered pineapple chunk and stemless maraschino cherry.

The Banana Cow, on the other hand, is not something you can have at Trader Vic's any longer. They have an extensive drink list to be sure, but just because is isn't served any longer doesn't mean it's not tasty! This recipe is s-l-i-g-h-t-y modified from Vic's original because I use Trader Vic's Banana Rum instead of the generic “light rum” it calls for and I also add a couple drops of Tahitian vanilla in it as well. Feel free to omit it.

- 1 banana
- 1.5 oz. Trader Vic's Banana Rum
- 3 oz. Milk
- 2 tbs. Powered sugar
- Dash of vanilla (optional)
- Plenty of crushed ice (his words, not mine. I'd say ½ cup crushed or 4-5 big ice cubes)

Put the mess in an electric blender and mix hell out of it. Pour in a large glass and have at it.

Best. Instructions. Ever. Seriously, those are the instructions. I use my Magic Bullet and put it into a Trader Vic's Coconut Mug but, whatever. As long as it fits in the glass and you “have at it”, it's all good.


So this drink is one that I stumbled upon @ the tikitender site while searching for new “beachy” type drinks. He calls it a Suntanned Surfer Girl but, when I read the ingredients, I said to myself “Hey! That's really just a Malibu Barbie, but with a spray-on tan.”. DING! DING! DING! The lightbulb went off and it had a new name. A Malibu Barbie is a well-established drink of pineapple juice and Malibu (coconut) rum over ice. This adds a splash of (Diet) Coke for a little cola/caramel flavor and color (hence the “spray on”). A Malibu Barbie is normally 8 oz. juice to 2 oz. Rum but I scaled it down a teeny bit simply because the small cans of pineapple juice are 6 oz. and most people making drinks at home don't have large amounts of pineapple juice sitting around in their fridge ;p And regular cola is fine too, I just use Diet Coke 'cause what else would Barbie drink? Duh!

- 6 oz. Pineapple juice
- 1.5 oz. Malibu (coconut) rum
- Splash of Diet Coke

Stir ingredients together with ice cubes in a collins glass, and serve.


Midge, of course, is Barbie's redheaded best friend...or at least, she was until they shipped her away to the same place McDonald's sent Uncle O'Grimacey and Hasbro banished Spike Witwicky before resurrecting him as Shia LaPoof. If Midge were still around today, everybody would know her as Barbie's anchor 'cause, frankly, she was. She had red hair, a little pug nose, lots of freckles and while she was cute in her own right, she had nothing on The Blonde Bombshell. This drink, however, is no anchor. It's the same basic concept, but with the new Bacardi Dragonberry/Strawberry rum (don't let the “Dragonberry” part fool you – it's strawberry rum. I'm guessing the marketing geniuses at Bacardi thought Dragonberry sounded more “exotic” or something. Whatev, it's strawberry.), and splashes of oj and pomegranate for a different flavor combo. Plus it comes out redheaded, rather than blonde :D If you don't have pomegranate juice handy, you can use a cosmo mixer in it's place OR a few drops of grenadine if really in a pinch, but be careful not to use TOO much.

- 6 oz. Pineapple juice
- 1.5oz. Bacardi Dragonberry Rum
- Splash of Orange Juice
- Splash of Pomegranate Juice
- Splash of Diet Coke

Stir ingredients together with ice cubes in a collins glass, and serve.


Yes, this drink is decidedly NOT tiki, but it's summer and it's good on a hot day. Now most of you prolly think I'm insane for suggesting you mix beer and...7-Up?!?!? I mean what insane culture would do such a thing to beer? Would you believe...the Germans? Yeap, that's right, the same country with the centuries old “Purity Act” that prevents you from using anything but four ingredients in beer (water, barley, hops and, later, yeast) are perfectly happy with mixing it with lemon-lime soda. I couldn't make this sh|t up if I tried! Anyways, The Hottie tried this at the local German place (Speisekammer) on a particularly hot day while we were eating outside and was immediately sold. It also makes a hefty 20 oz. drink (or 2, 10 oz. if you're the sharing kind) which is convenient because the drink calls for a 3:2 ratio of beer to soda and, of course, beer comes in 12 oz. bottles and the little half cans of soda stocking bar fridges across the nation are 8 oz. Traditionally, a Radler is made with a medium-dark beer (like the marzen pictured) but, these days, is commonly made with light beers, which is particularly good for summer months. We'll be using a local microbrews summer offering but any light/summer beer would work. He||, you can use Bud Light Lime and Diet 7-up for all I care 'cause pretty much ANYTHING added to Bud Light would make it taste better :p And, duh, since there's no shaking with ice in a shaker nor any ice IN the drink (that would just be crossing the line, amirite?) make sure both the beer and soda are ice cold before mixing...

- 12 oz. Pyramid Curve Ball
- 8 oz. Lemon-Lime Soda

Pour into a large, frosty pilsner glass and enjoy.

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Foodie A to Z and the Elusive U

Well, it's July first and we're officially halfway thru the year which means I've had six months to work on my Foodie A to Z “challenge” which was pretty much the impetus for this blog to begin with. If you've been tracking it on the sidebar this year you'd know that, by nearly anybody's standards, The Foodie has had a pretty spectacular half-year. All total, I've eaten at 23 Michelin Stars worth of restaurants with an average ZAGAT rating of 24.7 (and, yes, I did the math, time consuming as it was). And that's even with places like In-n-Out (21), Hofbrauhaus (20), XYZ (20) and, inexplicably, One Market (21) dragging down the average. Also, I went to a handful of brand spanking new places (The Bazaar, Luce, Gordon Ramsay, Palette Food + Wine, etc.) that don't even have ZAGAT ratings yet and would have likely moved the number higher.

Even more impressive to me, is how much of the alphabet I've destroyed! 18 of 26 letters down in six months, including some really difficult letters like E, G, J, X and Z. Sadly, even though I've run through 70% of the alphabet in 50% of the time allotted, I definitely have my work cut out for me. Most of the letters left are belong to places I never go to or are simply weird/rare letters, so they will be extra, EXTRA out of the way for me (which, of course, was the whole point of this exercise). So what's a Foodie to do?

Well, there's a decent chance we'll be going to Vegas later this month and, even if we don't, Labor Day and X-Mas are other “traditional” times for us to go to Sin City. Vegas tend to be less crowded with more bargains to be found in the off-season although, apparently, I now rate at the Hard Rock and get comped rooms even when they're at their busiest. Either way, that should leave more than enough time to hit up, at the very least, (N)obu , (R)estaurant Charlie or (W)ing Lei from the Michelin Starred set. Other potential Michelin non-starred targets include: (K)oi, (N)ob Hill (but only if r-e-a-l-l-y desperate. Seriously, going to a Michael Mina S.F. “themed” restaurant in Vegas when I'm practically a regular at his two-star namsake?!?), (V)alentino (although, if I really wanted to go there, I would have hit the o/g on my L.A. Road Trip) and (Y)ellowtail. This is where the letter limitation really starts to be a pain – The Vegas Michelin guide doesn't have a SINGLE entry for Q or U o_O. Frankly, I'm lucky that XYZ and Quince are in The City or I'd really be hosed.

Locally I've got more options – we simply have more places to eat in the Bay Area and, obviously, I spend a lot more time here (duh!), so I don't have to try and squeeze 6 restaurants into 2-night, 3 day weekenders. Sadly, the alphabet pwns me on the Michelin Star front even on the domestic front. There are no starred K, N, Q, U, W or Y's. Of the letters I need, only (R)edd and The (V)illage Pub rate stars. Redd's a no-brainer and, honestly, I had to go back and look at my OpenTable history because I couldn't believe I HADN'T gone there yet this year (for the record, we went there 12.28.08...so really late last year). But despite the lack of bonafide starred places, there are still plenty of good places to be had. (Q)uince is a no-brainer -it's just a little more out-of-the-way than I like to go- and the same can be said of (Y)oshi's in San Francisco which I find amusing that it rates MUCH higher than their original location at Jack London. The same is true the aforementioned (N)obu – the Vegas outpost has a star while the o/g has none. That's just plain weird, but I digress. A more likely candidate is (Y)ank Sing (the biggest, baddest dim sum place in a city FULL of great, authentic Chinese food) which I've really wanted to go to for a long time and this would be the perfect excuse.

The single ickiest, annoying letter has turned out to be one with a Scrabble value of...1??? Yes, the dreaded U >_< While it might be used (it that a pun? U-sed /shrug) IN a lot of words, it rarely seems to START them...at least for the names of restaurants anyways. The only starred restaurant in the entire U.S. with a U is (U)rasawa in BevHills and I already wrote that off. Waaaaaay too hard to get in even if you dismiss the uber-uber-price tag. Some day, yes - I'll want it for my culinary Bingo Card. This year, not gonna happen. Heck, I was lucky to get reservations at the bar at Sushi-Zo on a SAT night. So, if it's not a starred place, what else is out there? Honestly, there are only a handful of U's that would even qualify for consideration, so the choices are carpaccio thin, but (U)nbuntu seems like the likely candidate. Granted, I couldn't tell you the last time I went to a vegetarian place (i.e. never) and it'd take a t-r-e-m-e-n-d-o-u-s amount of will on my part to drive up to Napa and NOT go to one of the places on Washington Street or thereabouts, but it does make the michael.bauer Top 100 list and is the highest rated ZAGAT 'U' with a 24. My guess is I'll kill two birds with one stone and have SUN brunch @ Redd (which is beyond awesome, btw. Get the breakfast pizza and made-to-order "donuts" and you'll be happy the rest of the day), hit some wineries on the Napa side and then head to Unbuntu for a late lunch/early dinner. Yeah, I guess that's a sacrifice I'll have to make!

NOTE: The Foodie would like to deny the rumors that Michelin and ZAGAT Guides were harmed in the writing of this blog entry. There was no furious page turning, spine bending or a haphazard pile of dark red guides plopped two feet from my chair. And not once did I b|tch about Michelin's idiotic way of breaking S.F. Into forty-six different areas that are THEN broken down in alpha order which makes it oh-so-easy to find restaurant listings. None of this occurred. Screencap or it didn't happen!

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